and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
