I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
