Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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