I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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