I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
