Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
