I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
