No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
