The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
