the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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