You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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