Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
