Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
