I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize