mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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