he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
