She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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