remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
