dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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