2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
