is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
