I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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