He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
