And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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