it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
