pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
