is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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