She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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