Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
