Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
