so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
