Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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