dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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