Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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