I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All the doctor said was why
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
