Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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