Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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