3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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