Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
