You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
