Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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