when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
