You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
