Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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