The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
