My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
