my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
