I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
