There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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