My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
