I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
