I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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