whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
