I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to cum in my sink.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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