I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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