im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
