He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
