I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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