she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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