Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
