He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
