how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
