1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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