Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
