i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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