allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
