How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
